How to Fight in Marriage

Came across this post on how to fight "well" in marriage. Here's a clip:

Look, I’m gonna be honest and please don’t hate me, but Jonathan and I rarely fight. I think I can count on one hand the number of times we have really “fought,” and that is simply amazing for over 7 years of marriage.

So, now that I sound like the biggest marriage-bragger-snob-lady-ever, let me also say that I know that we are a rarity and more often than not, most couples argue on occasion. And sometimes, just sometimes, a good fight is necessary in marriage.

I also admit, that when Jonathan and I do have a battle royale, we have rules. That’s right. There are rules of engagement, which have become the parameters for our “fighting.”

Rules for fighting help, and can prevent scuffles from turning into winner-takes-all-death-matches. Here’s how we fight. First up…

1. No screaming, yelling, or biting. Okay, the biting goes without saying. It should anyway. But, if you’re like me and your first instinct to is to get loud then take heed. Screaming elevates. That’s it. It doesn’t make your point more clear. It doesn’t win. It doesn’t even tie. It escalates the situation and it looks ugly. And if like me, that’s all well and good, but you still need help, read on…

2. No name calling. When in a wedded war, you are never, ever, allowed to call your spouse a name. Ever. Unless it is “sugar,” or “sugar-daddy,” or “sugar bear.” You get the idea–something sweet.

3. You cannot judge intentions. This was introduced to me by my husband. When he was growing up, his parents instructed him and his brother that they could never judge intentions. Example: “You meant to knock over my Lego tower of awesomeness!” Nope. Can’t do it. We can only judge actions. I can say to Jon, “My feelings were hurt when you didn’t call me.” But NEVER: “You meant to hurt my feelings by not calling.” Speak to actions, not intentions. So huge!

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