How To Become A More Relationally-Focused Parent


Came across a great post on how to become a more relationally-focused parent. Here's a clip:

As I shared in my last post, like some of you, I am a task-oriented, A-type person.

It took me a while to figure out that the habits and practices we get rewarded for in the workplace can be the very things that work against us (and our families) at home. While tasks are important, nothing trumps relationships. And the better the relationships, the healthier the family.

If, like me, you’re always “on” and ready to accomplish something, it can produce an unintended tension. As we’ve seen, there are at least five things that create tension in the home when your default is task orientation:

  • People can be seen as interruptions rather than priorities.
  • When it comes to achievement, you can see your family as a project rather than as people.
  • You can miss the pleasure in days off.
  • You can misunderstand the love language of family members who value unstructured quality time.
  • It can be hard to focus on relationships when there are so many things to do.

So, how do you overcome those challenges and avoid unnecessary tension? Here are some things that I have done that I hope you will also find helpful.

1. I retrained myself to value interruptions.

When my sons would ask me to read a story for the 100th time, shoot a puck with them or drive them to a friend’s house, I began to realize these were incredible moments that wouldn’t last forever and that I would miss someday. Once I began to behave like that was true, I began to enjoy those moments so much more.

2.  I started valuing who people actually were, rather than who they might become.

A-type, task-oriented people get their reward by accomplishing things. That can easily spill over into your family and into your parenting. I found I was too often trying to ‘fix’ all the problems I thought I saw. I got better at accepting my kids for who God designed them to be, not who I might have wanted them to be.

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