I have been growing my testimony since I was 14. I grew up in another Faith with my family since age 8 and as I matured I felt my unease as I questioned my faith, as a teenager I felt more and more sure of my faith but still had unease and felt that it was directed towards the specific teachings and gospel of the church my family was attending, not my love for Christ or my Heavenly Father but at my young age and with all of my friends and family believing in a different set of beliefs it was difficult for me to decipher my emotions and how to go about it.
I ended up rebelling against my upbringing and the truth about my feelings came out when I was 17. My parents and I had many arguments but I feel that because I went about it the wrong way, they were focused on my rebellious acts and not my question of faith, and I was more than happy to stay silent on that part because of how hard it was to speak about it, especially since I wasn't even sure what I would say. It was hard to speak on it because it felt like I was failing them and disappointing them by wanting to leave their church that they might view it as an insult to them.
It's hard to tell someone you don't believe in what their faith is, that you think it's wrong without insulting them, especially when it is what they base their life off of, that they have devoted themselves to these teachings and to top it all off, they are your family.
After this time in my life I stopped attending any church, while going into the workforce and starting my adult life. I read a variety of religious books and attended a spattering of church services every now and then in different churches but it was easier to ignore that part of my life while I moved forward in many other parts. About 7 years later I started to feel the need for something more, I was depressed and going through difficulties and major life changes again when I started to pray and consider finding a church to go to, to help guide me as I figured out my own thoughts.
At this time, I met my future husband who had attended HDC in the past and randomly attended still. The first time I walked into a church after 7 years was to go to the Christmas program with him, because I saw what a good man he was, and because I figured the Christmas program full of singing would be harmless. It was so hard to hold back my tears while standing by him. We began attending HDC irregularly after that throughout 2014, mostly we went for holidays and special events. In 2015, I was willing to go occasionally, I enjoyed it, it comforted me but I still wrestled with myself. I have been raised to be very self-sufficient and independent, because of these stubborn traits I couldn't get past the concept that I had to grant someone, even if that someone was God, the right and ability to judge me, the power to be the one to forgive me. I mean who was he?! this God that I didn't know, I was able to concede that there had to be some sort of powerful being over the world, deciding who it was took longer. It took even longer for me admit that I could not handle my salvation on my own, that I needed saving at all.
Through 2016 I began to feel more and more that I needed help, in life, in everything. I was happy with my amazing boyfriend (now husband) but we were going through some tough times, and felt like we just couldn't catch a break. We were good people! If we could just have one thing go a little easier we felt we could obtain the goals we set for ourselves, all modest we felt. We wanted to feel more secure in our finances, not rich, we wanted a home, not a large one, and a little help. I didn't realize I was expecting help in the wrong places, when all along He would have provided it. In the summer of 2016 my father was in ill health and was in the hospital for almost 2 months, after a surgery in the beginning of that time he was only alive because of a courageous nurse who hand bagged him for 30 straight minutes so he could breathe, he was in the ICU for almost 4-5 weeks of that. In the Fall my husband, our sole provider at the time, was in a motorcycle crash. I went on job interview after job interview only to hear no . I wasn't sure where to go next while going through all of this. I just kept moving forward, working towards the future, slowly finding myself leaning more and more on my faith.
At this time, my husband and I have been attending HDC regularly since the end of 2016, I've joined a WSG and we attend a SG together, he is getting care for his injuries from his accident and my father is slowly regaining his health. Somewhere in there during our struggles, I didn't have an aha moment or remember an exact time but I had accepted God as my father, that he was my only way to salvation, that he had every ability and power over my life and that Christ was my redeemer. I did not question it any more. I don't question it now, I Admitted to my sins, I Believe that Christ is my only savior, and I Choose to follow him and place my faith in only him.