Before I decided to be led by Christ I felt as though I needed no guidance or help and that I can do more on my own. I felt like being logical and educated made me invincible to common mistakes and pain most people made. Before Christ my life was happy but empty on the outside I smiled I laugh I had amazing friends and great husband and wonderful kids it seemed like everything was together. But I was empty full of doubt reliable no one but myself which requires amounts arrogance that could be dangerous and unnecessary. The reason why I decided to follow Christ was that I went through something that couldn't be changed by smarts I lost three people in my family, 3 amazing people. I have never felt so much anger and sadness that I gave up on Christ right then. I didn't think it affected me I was never baptized in my life, I only went to church when my parents told me to or when I felt like it was needed for my kids but it was never for myself but I had a sense of belief, I lost every sense of belief when I lost the people I loved. I realized 3 years or 4 years later that I was not the reason but any of those events were going to change and instead of sulking and being angry I could love I can be happy I could be free of Burden by following Christ. So I started to go back to church in January 2017. I was still afraid to follow full heartedly. I was afraid to put my faith into something that I fell away from with so much pain. But one day talking to friends I realize I can't be mad at God for the inevitable before I fell away I knew that death was real I wasn't guaranteed a date a time or a place but I knew that was something I would have to concur throughout life those words resonate to me because I was mad at something that I already knew was going to happen I'm just being a child who wanted a Tantrum. I grew and I understood that going to church was not a ticket to Heaven, not a ticket to a good life but whether a friend, Father a leader that gave you a book that is an outline and a guideline to having a fulfilled and rich life and all I have to do is follow and believe and I will obtain some of those fulfillments. Many of my friends and family helped me through making this decision and my mother helped me with finding a way to forgive myself my faith and my family. My life is different now because I'm happy because I'm honest with my doubts with my fears I'm happy because I can love without fear because one day I will be in Paradise.