All of my life I was told there was a god, he was watching over me. As a Child this was very comforting. I had no reason in the world to question it. My mother taught me to pray to god every night, to thank god, and to look him to when times got hard. However, as a child I never really understood Christ. I never questioned who he really was, and how much he impacted my life. As I started to grow up and open my eyes to the world, I began to feel very angry with god. I struggled for the longest time to understand why god would have provided me with this life. Like most teenagers I had my normal struggles of feeling un-pretty, being chubby was difficult, and even struggling with feeling of not feeling smart enough. What affected me the most though, was the anger I built up towards my biological father not wanting to be part of my life, and a step father that was taking over my family. At the time this was my reality of my rose colored glasses that I struggled with on a daily basis. With all of this anger built up, it began to pushed me away from god. I didn’t stop believing in Christ, but that doesn’t mean we were on the best of terms either.
It wasn’t until I became an adult that I began to see life and most of all, Christ in a different view. Even though I might of shunned Christ out of my life, he never left my side. No matter how much I felt that he didn’t care enough about me to provide me with a different life, he had a plan all along. I just couldn’t see it, so it made me feel alone. When all I really needed, all along, was a little faith in god, and to know that he loved me.
How and When:
With all of my anger and what later on in life turned into depression, I was lost. I felt alone, sad, angry and even mad at the world. No matter how much I tried I couldn’t break the cycle. It wasn’t until repeated attempts by my friend and my family’s recent church attendance again that I gave in and decided to try something different. I was very hesitant at first being that church and I didn’t have the best track record before. However, I was much more afraid of how I felt then I was of going to church. It wasn’t until about two or three times of going ever weekend until it clicked. I needed Christ in my life in more then he was now. I just knew I would be ok and that even though times might not be hard I would get through it with Christ by my side. So in a way the church and Pastor Tom’s sermons helped me realized that I needed to change my life to serve Christ, not to just coexist with him.
I would have to say that now that god is in my life fully, I am a much happier person. Not only do I look at the world in a much different view from before, but I no longer feel alone in it as well. I have notice that when I am around others that don’t follow or believe in Christ, their out look on the world is in a much different view. Many times very negative. Looking back, I don’t know why I didn’t come to Christ sooner. Why I didn’t ask him to come into my life and make me feel whole again. Why I just couldn’t admit that I needed Christ in my life, and that I just needed to believe that through him is the only way to achieve anything real and meaningful in this life and for eternity. Jesus is the only one who could truly save me, from me.