Suffering from major depressive disorder has always been a very big struggle for me. Though I really cannot remember a time where I did not have this illness, I do remember it getting significantly worse through my late teenage/early adulthood years. It got to a point to where I did not ever want to be around anyone, and I was constantly pushing everyone I love away. Not only was I depressed, but I had become bitter and angry towards everyone. After I had pushed myself to my breaking point, I realized I needed God in my life to make me better. My life before Christ was complete confusion and chaos, because I thought I could live my own way.
In April of 2014, I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital. I had pushed myself as far away as possible, and I felt completely alone. During my stay in the hospital, many things just came together. As I look back on it and talk about it now towards others, I see it as a miracle, and a work of God. In the hospital, we did have mandatory group therapy classes, but there were some extracurricular classes. One of these classes was a bible study class. A lady whom I had became very close with through my time there had talked me into going to the class. It was as if my whole world changed after the hospital. My sister and brother-in-law had invited me to HDC once I was out of the hospital, and after only a couple of weeks of consistently attending HDC, I prayed the ABC’s. I believe that God had put that situation and those people in my life to bring me to Him.
My life with Him now is so different. Though I still have this illness, I do not see it as I once did, because now I have God, the only thing I need. I have used my illness as a motivation in life now. I have used my weakness to build others up and to spread God’s great word! There is a quote that is used to open in C.S. Lewis’ book The Problem of Pain that I now live by to keep me going when I still hurt inside. “The Son of God suffered unto the death, not that men might not suffer, but that their sufferings might be like His.”