Before I understood what it meant to need Christ to take away my sin, I was always angry and felt confused. I couldn’t understand that the series of “bad things” happening to me, were actually leading me to Him. I had gone through the loss of my Mom, Papa and then my Grandma within 5 months. It felt like a domino effect of loss in my life and I couldn’t grasp why. Before my Mom passed away, she told me she wanted our family to know God and attend church.
My life, prior to accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior and into my heart was foggy. I was lost. I felt like was on an emotional roller coaster that tipped at anger. I have been married once before and his family claimed to be Christians. In 2008, I was baptized with him out of pressure, but I didn’t have the commitment or understanding of what it truly meant to accept Jesus Christ into my heart. As time went on, I realized his controlling/abusive ways were not ok. I tried to work things out, but the abuse didn’t stop. I found myself confused and wondered why God would allow this man to hurt me so bad and think it was the Christian way.
Once the marriage ended and I was able to have a true commitment and experience a Christian based relationship, I knew that God had brought Phil and I together for a reason. We started attending church on a regular basis and I felt all my pain fade away. This is when I learned about the “ABC’S.” I was now able to A-admit that I have sins, B- Believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins. The last letter C took a little time. I had to Choose. I still had a lot of emotions built up that I wasn’t allowing my heart to let go and I was struggling with issues at work. Phil had told me that I didn’t need to work anymore, that I should quit. He kept telling me that there was a reason, so I quit. One month later I became pregnant and a little over a month after that is when my Mom was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer, given less than 6 months to live. Phil was my rock. He reassured me that “the reason” was to be able to help care for my dying Mom. The moment the doctors told us there was nothing more they could do for her, I prayed. I thanked God for giving me the best gift He could have ever given me with her, TIME. He gave me that peace of knowing I will one day see her again. It was then that I “C” chose to follow Him. To this day I thank Him for these challenges.
I often get asked, “How are you so strong after all of this?” The answer that I have engraved in my heart is that God gives us what He knows we can handle. We can either let it take us down or Chose Him, knowing He is with us always and others may be watching. We never know when our opportunity is to plant His seed.