I’m going to try to keep this brief. When I was a small boy I used to witness my Mother and Father fight a lot, and I mean A LOT. I’ve seen many violent altercations between them and because of it I had a lot of anger problems growing up. I would often get onto fights and have fantasies about inflicting pain on people. I started hanging out with a group of friends I felt could understand me and my background. Together I (and these so called friends of mine) would get into trouble and use drugs. I developed these behaviors because I often saw my father inebriated and my mother under the influence of drugs. I guess I thought that drugs and alcohol were ok because my parents used them, and when I realized they weren’t I just continued to use them anyways because I was indifferent to the consequences of them.
My parents got a divorce and my mother’s addiction to Meth worsened and she began to look for love in all the wrong places to support her habit. I understand now that they were caught up in their pains and were doing what they could to numb their pain. With that being said it was around this time I developed a habit for sex. I would meet girls on chat rooms and parties and if one of the girls I met wasn’t available I turned to prostitutes to get my proverbial “fix”. I then got arrested for a DUI and disorderly conduct and this is when I started selling drugs to support my many addictions. I knew I was running from a hurt and the pains of neglect and that what I was doing was wrong but I justified it or would try not to think about my issues.
It wasn’t until I spoke with friends who truly lived for God that I decided to turn my life around and cease the foolishness of seeking worldly outlets and seek God. It was 2 years later I started reading the bible and attending bible studies. I then met the woman who would change me forever, my wife Jackie. We worked together in a kiosk in the mall and would have bible studies and share scripture with each other. Through studying the Word of God I realized I needed to give my life to Jesus Christ, which I did. Then a year later we were married and together we have had 2 children. I still struggle with thoughts of my childhood and anger. But I know I need Jesus in my life because he is the Way the Truth and the Life. I also know that I am the leader of the household and I need to be a positive role model for my children. I’m ready to let go of the distractions of this world and focus on what God has in store for me. God has protected me and blessed me and I want to live for him now.
I write this with tears in my eyes, I truly want to be a better man, and I know I have a great opportunity to turn my life into a testimony to help others. Being baptized would only show the world and my family how true the word of God is to me. As well as how dedicated I am to be a better man and grow each day into the ultimate man God wants me to be. I’m only 27 years old but I feel like I’ve experienced a lot, and I know that diligently seeking God is the best choice I can make for me and my family. I love my wife very much and I love my children very much and want them to be proud of me. God bless whoever reads this.