I was raised going to church every Sunday. Unfortunately it didn’t make a big impact on me. It was just what a good family was supposed to do – go to church and be proper. My Mom read her Bible every day and listened to good preaching on the radio, but when I was 16 years old, my 18 year old sister died at School. Half the school came to her funeral, but my Mom told us kids not to cry because it wasn’t a good example of being a Christian.
I married a man (Michael) who didn’t go to church and we only took our girls to church occasionally and prayed at the dinner table. After 26 years we divorced.
One day my girls asked me to take them to church, we went to a church in Fullerton where my parents attended. I started to see what I hadn’t been doing as a Christian person or parent, and I started to read my Bible, and very strangely my ex would show up and we would all sit in the row together as a family (even though Michael had never been interested in church before). Then in 2005 my Mom, Dad and Michael passed away within a couple of months of each other. I don’t remember much of the next couple of years but what I do remember was at Michaels viewing the girls and I hadn’t seen him for a few days, (died of heart attack), I just couldn’t go in the room, I stood outside and really prayed to the Lord, trusting asking for help. That day he picked me up in his arms and carried me. But I went back to my own ways. I thought I could take care of things myself – I had a good job, a little money, and I just kept going. The way I see it now, I took God off the shelf when I needed Him, and then when I was better put Him back on the shelf.
When my oldest daughter and her husband moved to Victorville for a job, they started going to HDC, and I saw a big change in them. They trusted the Lord, gave Him credit for all they had. I saw I could buy a home here, so I did and drove from Brea to here every day for 4 ½ yrs. I also started going to HDC, would listen to our wonderful pastors, and I kept hearing them say, “Join a small group, help out, serve, look to the Lord in all you do.” But I still didn’t have time for a small group. I finally signed up for serving in the Children’s area every other Sunday. And then we had a year of Route 66 and then the year of Family, and the teachings were amazing. They taught what the verses in the Bible meant and how they applied to your life. I had never really understood the Bible before, but now I was slowly realizing that I wasn’t allowing God into ALL of my life.
I am 61 now, and I lost my job of 12 years in Sept 2013, so I have had time, lots of time to worry and figure out what to do. But I had been listening to the sermons and reading the Bible verses daily and slowly realizing that I needed something more and felt this was happening for a reason. God needed to show me that all my life HE had been taking care of me, not ME. God was watching over me and loving me and providing for me. It was God who provided the job, the home, and my wonderful children. I finally realized that He loved me. So I asked God to forgive me, and take my life and have His way and His will be done. I knew I couldn’t do it alone. I needed Him.
For the very first time in my life, I have felt peace and comfort every day through this trial of not having a job. I know God had to really hit me with a hammer to get my attention, but now He has my whole life.
I have also been going to the Monday night Women’s Small Group classes. I do a lot of crying, and a lot of loving my Lord and Savior, and I can’t wait until the next class and I can’t wait to see what God has for my life. And now, to my surprise, I want to be baptized and let the whole world know that He is my lord and Savior. I can’t live this life without Him front and center, and He is in control, not me.