I came to a point in my life that I realized that my way wasn’t working and it never would. I needed something more. At that point turning to God was one of those only things I hadn’t tried.
I never really believed in God growing up. I went to church with my family and sung the songs, but no one ever told me about Jesus other than what I knew from children’s Bible stories. So naturally, as I grew into my teen years I didn’t want to know God much less believe in something that I had no real knowledge of. As problems began to arise in my home life I drew into myself and decided if there was a God, he wouldn’t be letting these things happen to my family or to me. If there was a “God” I hate him. I turned to self-mutilation and began experimenting with drugs, alcohol, and sex to try and fill the emptiness that I felt inside me. I developed depression, bipolar disorder, and anxiety disorder in my later teens and was becoming an alcoholic before I was even 21 years old. I started college and was seriously considering dropping out because I doubted myself and believed if I did accomplish anything, it would be wasted because nothing that I did would ever make me truly happy. I couldn’t see the point in life.
About 4 years ago I was on a delivery listening to the radio (Air1) and after listening to a few songs the DJ came on and said “God knows you’re there and He’s waiting for you. If you’re going through something in your life right now and you’re hurting and can’t see the way out of it, try putting it in God’s hands. He can help you; He wants to help you. All you have to do is surrender to Him, give your life to Him and He will show you the light and the way. There is nothing He cannot do.” I suddenly felt like I was suffocating. I pulled me car over and cried and cried. I just kept saying, “Okay God, okay. I’m here, I can’t do it alone anymore and I don’t want to. Here I am, take me.” On that day I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
Now I have found optimism, strength, self-confidence, and peace that I’ve never felt before. I’m happy for days at a time; I have a desire to take control of my life and make changes to better not only my life but also the lives of everyone around me. I no longer feel controlled by my mental health. I decided to put my life in God’s hands, and I know that he will put me exactly where I need to be in order to achieve things much bigger than me. I have what I’ve been searching for.
I don’t know where I would be today without God’s grace. Being saved is the best thing that ever happened to me. His love opened doors for me that I didn’t know existed.